Workaholic Dad

The saga about naming our little one continues. It has been 6 weeks since I sent an email to the city’s register’s office asking them to review their decision not to allow us to call our daughter Mackenzie Skye. I decided yesterday that I had enough of waiting for a reply and  contacted the relevant person again to ask if maybe she had overlooked (yeah right) my email. I attached my previous email which gave a multitude of links which prove that a)Mackenzie is a real name and b) that in the country of our heritage it is a common girls name.

To my surprise I got an email early this morning from the “head” of the registries office. It is in German, but I feel that I need to paste it in here:

Sehr geehrter Herr xxx,

meine Kollegin Frau xxx hat Ihnen nun in mehren Schreiben mitgeteilt, dass der Standesbeamte sich bei der Anzeige der Vornamen darüber vergewissern muss, dass dem Kind keine Vornamen erteilt werden die ihrem Wesen nach keine Vornamen sind und dass für “Knaben nur männliche und für Mädchen nur weibliche Vornamen gewählt werden”. Lässt ein Vorname Zweifel über das Geschlecht des Kindes aufkommen, so ist zu verlangen, dass dem Kind ein weiterer, den Zweifel ausschließender Vorname beigelegt wird. Da sowohl der Vorname “Mackenzie” als auch “Skye” diese Zweifel aus hiesiger Sicht nicht ausschließen, möchten wir Sie bitten, Ihrem Kind zu gegebener Zeit einen dritten Vornamen beizulegen.

Sollte Ihr Kind in Hanau zur Welt kommen und das hiesige Standesamt müsste die Geburt beurkunden, so würden wir eine entsprechende Beurkundung ggf. auch schriftlich ablehnen.

Sie haben selbstverständlich dann die Möglichkeit, den Standesbeamten gem. § 45 Personenstandsgesetz (PStG) durch das Amtsgericht anweisen zu lassen eine entsprechende Beurkundung vorzunehmen.

Wir möchten Sie jedoch bitten, auch im Interesse Ihres Kindes, die von Ihnen beabsichtigte Vornamensgebung nochmals zu überdenken.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Werner <xxx>

Standesbeamter

Now, what is he trying to tell me here – let’s examine this letter piece by piece:

1) My colleague has emailed you several times that the names can not be used – uhm, no… she sent me one email, I responded once and asked her to review about a dozen references to prove that Mackenzie is predominantly a girls name. No response from her since then. On a funny aside, their book of names was compiled in 1988.

2) Mackenzie and Skye are considered Unisex names in Germany and can not be used – I don’t care what they say they are, afterall it is common for Boys to have the second name Maria here. Also, Mackenzie was the 22nd most popular girls name in the US last year – for boys it was somewhere in the range of 900 to 1000th most popular.

3) If you want to have the kid in this town, we will deny the name – Ok well – perhaps time to contact the registry office in other towns nearby. We are only minutes away from about 10 towns with first rate hospitals – doesn’t hurt to call around and see what other register’s offices say. There is no law that requires them to use a specific list afterall.

4) You can go to court if you want to fight us on this – § 45 Personenstandsgesetz (PStG), good to know… if he hadn’t mentioned that I would have probably given in for lack of knowledge.

5) “We would like to ask you, in the interest of your child, to pick different names for her.” – Who the fuck are you to judge what name is right for my kid?!?!?

Well, my response to them “FUCK YOU” – of course I worded it differently when I called the guy back asking for clarification. When I asked him if they do this game with other foreign names (for example Turkish, Russian, etc.) he plainly stated “NO”. Ergo, this little toadlicker is discriminating against US citizens and names originating from the english language. I am just glad I work at a brokerage – every call is taped.

The Mrs. called the US embassy to check if there was any help they could provide in the matter. The person to handle those requests wasn’t there, but I found it encouraging that the switchboard operator wasn’t surprised by the nature of the call. In fact, she said that they received many such calls. Perhaps that is an encouraging sign and they may actually be able to provide us with some assistance in the matter.

If they can’t help I fully intend to get a lawyer to take care of this buerocratic absurdity. I am outraged by the tone of voice and plain disintert towards US citizens – something that unfortunately has been a growing issue here. I might just have to call the Bild Zeitung to run an article about this issue.

We’ll see how this saga turns out – unfortunately after googleing the issue, I have come across a ton of people that have to deal with power tripping civil servants dictating which name works and which doesn’t. Personally, I am not amused at all – afterall, these people are payed to protect the interest of the people, not control their lives.

The Mrs has been able to feel Mackenzie kicking and squirming inside of her for quite a while now, but until last night I haven’t been able to feel it. Last night when I placed my hand on Tiffany’s stomach I think I felt a kick (confirmed by the momma to be) and I have to say besides massively freaking out about the fact that I felt my daughter’s movement for the first time I am feeling kind of left out.

Besides hearing that this movement was Mackenzie I couldn’t tell you if that’s what it was, or if the Mrs shifted, breathed or had a bit of gas from dinner.

Well folks – the literature (I know that’s a broad statement but I am too lazy to footnote right now) says that a) it is normal for any new daddy to feel excluded from the pregnancy and b) it could be another few weeks until I can feel Mackenzie move consistently. The general consensus I found looking through some discussion boards was that fathers could feel the movement between weeks 25 and 29.
Tiffany is 25 weeks along now – and doing great – right at the beginning of “the window”. I am sure the feeling of being excluded will die down when I can feel the baby more frequently.

For now, I think I will have to live vicariously through the Mrs and hope time moves quickly.
How long did it take for some of you other fathers out there to feel the baby move?

The Mrs. doesn’t really like it when I tell this story because she thinks there could have been a much much much better way to tell me that a little one is on the way. But in the spirit of the free speak in blogging the story must be told. You see, we were quite ambiguous on having children. The consensus was “We should have kids because man how much fun would it be to grow up on this farm with a big ol’ newfie dog but eh if we don’t have any that would be probably more our speed. As it goes in life, those illusions where shattered.

The month that Tiffany got pregnant was most likely the month with the least amount of uhm…encounters in the 8 years we have been together. I had started a new job, traveled frequently and worked long hours – if I didn’t trust Tiffany with all my heart I would say it’s the mail man’s kid.

It was April fool’s day and we where on the nightly walk with the Newfie when we walked by a really really ugly couple with a really really really ugly Baby. As we passed them I whispered to the Mrs. “Wowzers, did you see that ugly baby?”. She turned to me and goes “Speaking of…….. we’re gonna have one of those soon.”

Come again? Nope not an April fools joke. I was going to be a daddy. Tiffany had taken a pregnancy test earlier that day and after several hours searching on the internet for failure rates of that particular test, recalls or evidence that the test was actually a joke product manufactured by a whoopie cushion manufacturer in China, she determined that the test was telling the truth.

Just a week earlier sitting on the couch one night we had talked about having kids again and the consensus shifted more to the side of Nay. Hence, the Mrs. was more than a little apprehensive about telling me. She opted for telling me in the fields – perhaps so nobody would hear me scream. The comment about the ugly kid provided the needed opening.

Instead of screaming I went numb and the immediate thought was “Oh my god, I knocked a girl up”. A reflex bred in the days of living in Miami enjoying all the carnal sins that city provided. “Wait no, this is my wife of 7 years, it’s ok to have a baby with her – great even”. My mind was racing and besides forcing myself to a big smile I uttered the brilliant quote “Huh”. Profund, I know.

After 2 or 3 more deep breaths it finally sank in and I was no longer forcing myself to smile, it came naturally. I don’t remember ever feeling so many different emotions in such a short period of time before in my life. During the 30 minute walk my emotions ran from sadness for lost youth, to sheer joy from knowing there would be a little one filling this old farm with life.

That feeling continued for a few months actually. The worst time was when people reacted overjoyed by hearing there is a Jr. on the way – it always seemed they where more excited about that prospect than us. To be honest, I felt more than a little bit guilty about that.

As I sit here typing this post I can assure you I am quite excited about the impending arrival of Mackenzie! I think the change of excitement comes from the way I look into the future. In the beginning I looked only to the newborn status. Helpless, needy and turds larger than mine needing to be cleaned up. Now when I think to the time ahead I think of the toddler years, pre-school and high school. The baby stage is massively shorter to the time when you can hang out with your children, watch them experience new things and hopefully bond until they are on their way to college.

When we decided to adopt a Newfie puppy a little over 2 years ago for some reason I never thought about it this way – I was always looking forward to a well behaved dog, joining me on runs and walks and never pictured the horrible puppy stage. That illusion was quickly shattered when we got her – a helpless, needy baby with turds larger than mine needing to be cleaned up. That time lasted for only a short while, but now that she is grown up it sure was worth it.

Only a few more months until I will be a dad – the fall is just about ready to start here in Germany. This morning is coolish and a bit with the feeling of Christmas time. Just not quite as cold. By the time Christmas is really here there will be three of us. Somehow not such a scary thought anymore.

Today I had a day of vacation and it made it possible to join my beautiful wife Tiffany at the Dr’s. So far, I have been able to go to every single doctor’s appointment throughout the pregnancy and I am semi certain I won’t miss any of the major ones until our little baby girl arrives. I will be going to the US for business at the end of August and might cut it very close to be home in time for the next appointment – but so far it’s looking good.

The doctor, an older gentleman who has been delivering babies for the past 30 years, still doesn’t really acknowledge my presence at the appoints, assured us that everything was ok and the baby is developing beautifully. He is now 100+% certain it’s a girl – and we could see my little baby girls unmentionables on the ultra sound screen. Definitely a girl!

As an old saying goes “When you are having a boy you need to worry about one penis, if you have a girl you have to worry about all penises”. This saying definitely hits home, as this past weekend the biggest annual event of the year our little hometown took place. Lantern Fest – a 4 day party ending tonight with a big fireworks display tonight. Since Friday night a beer tent, rides, nightly parties and night time parades brought our town of 2800 people to a stand still with non stop partying.

We have been doing our share of partying as well – with my wife staying away from alcohol of course – and had loads of fun. Pictures to follow in a separate post, I promise. Now with the stage set, you can imagine that a lot of young people have been joining the party giving me a chance to observe them a bit while enjoying a cold beer. I noticed the flirty behavior, scandalously short skirts and the juvenile attempts of boys trying to pick up the girls- all this on kids way too young.

Quite frankly, knowing that my little baby girl will be born at the end of November, it scares me. When will she start dating? What kind of Boys will she like? By what age will we need to have the birds and the bee talk. I know there are plenty of other issues which we will need to deal with until that time comes – thankfully – but still that old saying rings in my ear more than ever today after getting confirmation of the fact that daddy’s little girl will be here by Christmas.